Taking Stock at 31

Image ©GORUCK. Java in a birthday hat.

Image ©GORUCK. Java in a birthday hat.

If you didn’t know, it’s my birthday today. I’m turning 31. To be completely honest, I have a hard time comprehending that. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was turning 18. I don’t really feel like an adult. And I have a hard time picturing adulthood still.

What I wanted to do today was take stock of where I am and where I’m going. It’s so easy to dwell on the past and think about what I could have done better and what mistakes I have made. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of things I could have done better and just as many mistakes were made. While it’s good to learn from the past, it isn’t good to dwell. So no dwelling today.

Taking Stock

In this thought experiment, it’s best to begin with where I’m at. So here it goes. I am currently:  unemployed, (technically) homeless (for now), dealing with an incurable chronic illness, and sick (with a cold — I think).

Okay, that’s bleak and not really representative of my life at the moment. But it goes to show how one can make life seem really bad and ignore the good.

Now for the good. I’m loved and supported by my parents and family, by Erica, by her parents too, and by my friends. I am finishing up the opportunity to travel around Europe a bit while the US deals with a cold winter (suckers). I have job prospects (an interview in Austin in just over 2 weeks) that could turn into something. If they don’t, I have a number of plans. I’m planning a book (yes, you read that right). And I’ve been out of the hospital for several months (though my body still hates me).

Overall, things aren’t so bad. Though I could be happier without pain and sickness. But I have plans to be more active. GORUCK events. Running events. And perhaps other crazy things.

Where I’m Going

In truth, I have no idea where I’m going. But I’d rather take things day by day. It’s more enjoyable that way. It’s also a learning process. I still am keyed up most of the time and that kind of stress is bad.

One of the things I’ve been doing recently is reading about the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. While I’m not sure I can buy into everything I have found a place for it in my life. Basically I need to remember that I only control myself and those things outside me are what they are. It’s better to strive for knowledge and to be a “good” person over anything else.

The question of what a “good” person is is the basic debate that exists. But I have ideas for me and I want to strive for that every day. Of course it’s a work in progress. And it should be.

In 2 weeks I get back to the US and land in Florida. There is a lot to do when I get back and new medications to start (hooray).

But as I say, life isn’t so bad. things are progressing. And daily I fight that silly 30yo life crisis (or whatever you want to call it) because I’m not the most successful person in the world. And that’s a good thing.

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